Today I am getting personal with y’all, more personal than I’ve ever been. About a month ago my boyfriend broke up with me, and it still pains me to say that. I had never felt more in sync with someone in my life, our personalities clicked, we never fought, and he was my person. I felt so whole with him, and I was so unbelievably happy. Now I feel abandoned, I feel disposable, and those are feelings I never want to feel. One may ask why we broke up, and I honestly wouldn’t be able to definitively tell you. It’s one big grey area. It came out of the blue, and I have been devastated… crying until 4am, not sleeping, not eating devastated. I was told something along the lines of I love you very much but you deserve so much more than what I am willing to give you, and I don’t know why I can’t give you that. I don’t want this, I need this. I need to be alone. Those are words that I have spent countless hours analyzing and still come to a ‘wtf?’ conclusion. No matter how much I analyze the situation at the end of the day he chose to not be with me, and that’s the one truth I can go on. Although I want to wait for him to come around (because I still love him), I know that that is not an option. Putting myself through emotional torture for someone who quite frankly dumped me like yesterday’s trash is not how you love yourself. I deserve someone who loves all of me unconditionally. Maybe it’s not him, maybe it’s him 6 months down the road, I don’t know. But what I do know is that this is all part of a greater plan that I’m still figuring out.
If you have been following House of Style for awhile, you know I recently moved to DC about 6 months ago. I moved here knowing a couple people, but the person I spent majority of my time with was my then boyfriend. This is what also makes breaking up extremely difficult. To be frankly honest, I have about 3-4 friends in the area, so it’s hard to stay busy and to keep my mind off of the break up. I’m also a nurse who works night shift so add that into the mix and it’s even more difficult to make plans. Everyone knows that staying busy with friends and family will make the heartbreak easier, but when you’re kind of alone in a big city the heartbreak just eats away at you. To add more confusion into my life, I am questioning where I want my career to go. Do I want to go back to NP school? Do I want to work at an outpatient doctor’s office as an RN and draw labs for the rest of my life? Is that satisfying enough for me? One thing I know is that bedside nursing is not for me. It’s so emotionally and physically draining. I’m tired of working weekends, nights, and holidays. I’m tired of getting verbally attacked by patients, doctors, and family members on a daily basis. I’m tired of getting hit, spit on, slapped by patients and family members, oh and having a knife drawn out on me. I know that might sound crazy to anyone who doesn’t work in the healthcare field, but that isn’t shocking to anyone who actually works in the healthcare field. I bring this up because not only am I at a crossroad in my personal life, but also my professional life. I don’t know what my next steps are, but I have a gut feeling it is NP school. A Virginia school, North Carolina school? I don’t know that part yet, but I’m trying to figure it out during this month that has rocked my world.
I say all of this, because I want to be transparent with my followers. Life isn’t about fashion, beauty products, home decor items, etc. There’s a lot happening behind these pictures, and I don’t want to fool anyone into thinking my life is picture perfect. I may have divulged a little too much, but I don’t care. I want to be true to myself and to y’all, so that means sharing how I’m currently feeling. Finally, I would like to end this post with a new partnership with Alex and Ani and their Carry Light Movement
Their #carrylight movement is about realizing that darkness does exist, but there’s a light in all of us. If that doesn’t scream to me during this past month, then I don’t know what does. I #carrylight for standing up tall after getting knocked down. There will be bad days, but good days will follow. The #carrylight campaign involves the release of Alex and Ani’s newest collection, The Liberty Copper Collection
It features original copper preserved from the restoration of the Statue of Liberty. The collection is a true representation of light, love, and liberty. Happy Shopping y’all!